I am offering new services. It’s called Fridge Buster Services.
Description of the service:
I will come to your home or business, open your fridge take all the crappy processed foods that bad daemons living in your fridge made you bring in and eat it away.
First:
I will bust your fridge completely. I will take away everything that’s bad for you.
Second:
I will bust and clean your fridge from bad ghosts and daemons, using special tools. This few minutes procedure will get rid of the bad daemons, ghosts and spirits who have been living there for a very long time, making your eating habits terrible for your health.
Third:
I will stock your fridge and cupboards with fresh and healthy stuff, bring you a weekly eating plan and throw 1 free home personal training session.
Price for the service: Very expensive.
Why? I am going to be dealing with dangerous ghosts, spirits and daemons and they too can take over my life. And having clearly visible six pack abs as my biggest marketing tool, I can’t afford to loose it – very high chance when dealing with bad eating habits daemons, especially fridge daemons. Still, I am willing to put my six pack abs on the line for you.
Am I only kidding?
Not at all. I am deathly serious about this service. I am only serving San Francisco Bay Area for now. But for very special reasons, I am willing to fly anywhere in the world.
If you are interested in my Fridge Busting service, please email me: mstolicny@hotmail.com
Please no jokes and funny emails. This is a very, very serious service business.
Questions and answers:
What happens when customer suddenly becomes angry and will start protecting the tasty, processed stuff being taken from her fridge?
Costumer will be handcuffed to the chair, while fringe busting service is being done. Fridge buster will always have handcuffs with him.
What will Fridge Buster do with all the bad stuff taken from the fridge?
The stuff that’s very bad for everybody will be discarded, other stuff that could be still possibly used will be donated for poor people.
List of healthy groceries I will bring, the stuff that should always be in your refrigerator:
Nuts – almonds, walnuts
Fresh Eggs
Organic unsalted almond butter
Organic unsalted peanut butter
Seasonal fruit – apples, pears, peaches, oranges,
Avocados
Greens – mustard greens, kale, turnip leafs
Whole organic chicken
Lean ground turkey
First cold pressed virgin olive oil
Firm organic tofu
Green tea
Whole white yogurt
Whole milk
Can of sardines in spring water
Can of wild salmon
Can of lightly smoked herring in canola oil
100% dark chocolate
Whole cottage cheese
Why should you hire me?
I am:
Trustworthy
Brave – not scared of bad fridge ghosts
Good looking with six pack abs
Very knowledgable about healthy eating and fitness
I am ruthless with junk food – if it’s junk it’s going out. And food is either junk or good stuff, nothing between.